When the Hellmouth Freezes Over
by Shimmera
Summary: Set during season six, this story takes an alternate shift when Dawn's accident put her in a coma rather than just breaking her arm. In reaction to Dawn's injury, Buffy refused to help Willow and shortly there after it starts snowing in Sunnydale. FB PLZ
1. Prologue

Disclaimers: This story is just for fun and I in no way intend to make any sort of profit from this story. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and everything in it belongs to Mutant Enemy etc, I am just borrowing the world for a bit. =)

Relationships: B/T, X/A Nothing above a pg-13 rating

Violence: I'm not one for over the top violence, but being that it is a fanfic based on Buffy, some violence will ensue.

Author's note: This is my first major fanfiction story so be gentle. I am my own beta reader for the moment so I imagine there will be quite a few errors, but I tried my best! I have about half of the story already written out and the rest outlined, and provided the feedback for the story is in any way desiring for continuing updates I'll be posting bi-weekly updates.

When the Hellmouth Freezes Over

Prologue

"There's a new doctor coming to see you today Mama," Tara told the sleeping woman softly, though she knew she would be unlikely to wake her mother up from her exhausted sleep even if she had shouted at the top of her lungs, it just seemed right to whisper. And hopefully wherever her sleeping mother was, she could take comfort in her dreams from the sound of her voice. "I'm sure he'll be loads better than the last doctor you had! He'll be able to cure you, no problem," Tara was more trying to comfort herself than her ailing mother but she wouldn't admit to it. "Though I really do wish you'd let us take you back to the hospital Mama, you were doing so much better there…but I understand too…I do…it wasn't really nice there. I just wish…I wish things could be different," Tara finally stopped her nervous and very uncharacteristic babble. She refused to admit it and would deny it to any who said it, but she knew what was inevitably going to happen.

Her mother was going to die.

And she was going to be left all alone with a father she could never get in the good graces of and a brother who seemed to have despised her from birth.

Sometimes Tara wished she could be deathly sick too.

"Tara come on downstairs, the doctor's here to see to your mother now," Tara jumped up from her seat at her mother's bedside at the startling boom of her father's voice. He wasn't angry, his voice just always created a feeling of anxiety and…shame from the young girl. "Right in here Dr. Raquer, Tara meet your mother's new doctor, he's a specialist for your mother's…condition. Doctor this is my daughter Tara." Tara heard her father and knew he was expecting her to say something to the stranger before making a quick exit. But the man her father had introduced…this Dr. Raquer sent chills down her back. His hair was long and shaggy though in contrast his face was clean shaven, his teeth a sparkling white, and his suit crisp and neat. Too neat.

"Nice to meet you Ms. Maclay." Dr. Raquer held out his hand. Tara looked at it like it was diseased.

"Tara! Where are your manners girl? This man is here to help your mother and at a fraction of the cost the last bloodsucker- no offence meant Doctor- was charging us."

"S-ssorry Sir," she nodded to her father. Of course. _That's why Daddy switched doctors. This one wouldn't cut into his precious pocketbook_. "I'm s-sorry doctor, i-it's nice to mm-m-meet you." Tara finally took the man's hand and the uneasy feeling she had increased ten-fold. Something about this man just wasn't right.

Almost seeming to sense her unease the doctor smiled unnervingly. "It's quite alright Ms. Maclay I know this must be a…stressful time for you right now. But don't you worry, I'll make your mother good as new, rest assured Sugarplum."

"Tara the horses need tending to. Go," her father ordered. Not wanting to go but knowing better than to disobey her father Tara gave one last look at her mother before turning and leaving the room. She should have done something, protested, looked for another doctor or just…something, but Tara didn't. She ignored the nagging voice in her head that told her this doctor would do nothing but worsen her mother's condition. But she pushed it to the back of her mind. She was just being silly, she'd tell herself. A doctor was a doctor even if he was cheaper and made her feel uneasy, after all it wasn't like her father wanted her mother to lose her battle with cancer…She was just fretting too much. Right?

Her mother died two weeks later.

_I lived my life in Shadow, never the sun on my face_

_It didn't seem so sad though I figured that was my place_

_Now I'm bathed in light_

_Something just isn't right_

Something wasn't right. Tara had to laugh humorously as she gazed at her forlorn image in the mirror, that sweet heartbreaking melody working its way through her mind yet again. She really should have learned by now to listen to her own self warnings. Ignoring and pretending everything was alright had never helped before.

She _had_ been under Willow'sspell. It had been three weeks since the Wiccan had walked out on Willow. Three weeks since she had walked out on the only real home she had ever had. The only friends she had ever had. But they weren't really her friends were they?

Tara adjusted her apron in the small bathroom mirror before looking up and frowning at her reflection. With a sigh she picked up the brush sitting on the rusted bathroom sink and began running it through her hair. Her mind quickly drifted away amongst the rhythmic strokes.

Tara did not regret leaving Willow. In fact she was quite proud of herself for having done so. She had lived most of her life under the abusive hand of her father, always making excuses for him, always believing it was her that was at fault and not him. But almost ironically through the last few years with Willow and her friends, Tara had grown strong, had grown to stand up for herself. Willow had taught her that, but as soon as Willow realized that Tara had grown into that, the redhead had wanted to stifle Tara's newfound independence, had wanted the old meek and quiet Tara.

_What do you want me to do? Sit back and keep my mouth shut?_

_That would be a start._

_If I didn't love you so damn much I would._

Tara shivered. Willow had allowed Tara to grow into a strong and confident woman but she didn't want that woman to take a stand against her. Tara had started to think that perhaps what Willow really saw in Tara was someone to own, someone to control. Someone that was hers.

_I am you know._

_What?_

_Yours._

Willow had never said it back. That she was Tara's. But the blonde had always believed that, though unspoken, Willow had given herself to Tara just as completely as Tara had to Willow. Tara knew now how wrong that judgment was. What was it Willow had told her?

_I just like having something that's…you know…mine?_

Tara sat the brush back on the sink almost violently. Exiting the bathroom and making her way to the door in her rundown apartment. The paint on the walls was cracked and dirty, the floors stained and equally unclean. Tara's living room which connected into the small kitchen held one small broken down couch the Wiccan had found in the trash outside and a small coffee table with a stack of books in place of a missing leg. Tara tried to get her mind off of Willow but when she lived in a place like this for the reasons that she did, how could she?

Tara was almost glad that Willow's friends seemed to not care about her departure from the Summers' home…if they took one look at where she was living…

There wasn't any other place for Tara to go however. The dorms weren't full but the blonde's scholarship had been taken away due to her incompletes last semester which couldn't have been helped considering her brain had been sucked out at the time. Not to mention what she owed for her blown up dorm room…

So it was good that her ex's friends didn't have to see her like this. Didn't have to see her rundown apartment, her wrinkly hand washed clothes, or her broken, ugly furniture. With a disgusted shake of her head Tara exited and locked her door and made her way out into the streets. She'd be late for work if she didn't get moving.

Tara had been sure that at least Dawnie would have wanted to come see her though, she continued to muse. Tara felt a pang in her chest at the thought of Dawnie. The teenager had become practically a little sister to Tara. But after that first night out with Dawn when they had wound up falling asleep on the couch in the Summers' house, Tara hadn't heard anything from the teenager since. That was two weeks ago.

She could just be just busy. Tara tried to reason with herself as she picked up her pace, rubbing her arms for warmth in contrast to the unusually cold night air. Dawn was a teenager and she had her own friends to hang out with. But knowing Dawnie like Tara did…she had to be mad. Mad at Tara for leaving for what she saw as giving up. But it wasn't giving up, Tara truly believed that. Giving up would have been to give in and say nothing as Willow continued to spiral downwards in her magic abuses. Tara had half way hoped that her leaving Willow would cause the redheaded witch to come to terms with her magic abuse, that the loss of their relationship would have been enough to open her eyes. Tara had obviously over estimated her value in Willow's eyes.

No use dwelling on it now though, her borrowed family was gone and she was left with just her pathetic self once more. She was back to being the nameless no one that she had always been.

"Maclay! Get in here before I fire your ass! You're late!" Tara looked up across the street to see the manager of the diner, Jason waiting outside for her.

"Y-yy-yes sss-sir." Tara responded, her stutter having returned recently. Jason grunted in disgust before turning around and reentering the building. Tara followed silently steeling herself for another night of humiliation.


	2. Chapter 1 Chilly for Sunnydale

**Chapter 1**

_Brr. It's cold._ Buffy rubbed her hands over her arms for warmth having unwisely left her jacket at home before patrolling that evening. It was unusually cold for Sunnydale. She could actually see her breath. _Weird._ There weren't often nights like that when you lived in southern California.A normal person would be lead to believe that Al Gore was right and Global Warming is a major issue and everyone needed to recycle. "But not Buffy. No Buffy is pretty sure it's the Hellmouth." She chattered as she made her way out of the cemetery, still fruitlessly trying to rub warmth back into her arms.

Patrol had been a bust that night. There was nothing to indicate why the weather might be changing. Buffy hadn't found anything out of the ordinary save three vampires and a demon with a really inappropriately placed horn. _At least I thought it was a horn…_ Buffy shook her head and shuddered then quickly turned her mind to more pleasant thoughts. _Like nice warm mochas._

The Slayer decided to stop at the nearest shop that sold coffee, hoping the heated beverage might stave off some of the cold on her walk home. At another time thinking about mochas would have reminded the slayer of her ex-best friend Willow Rosenberg. _Which I guess it still does if you brought it up in your own mind. _ The Slayer thought unhappily. She really should feel some sort of remorse or anger or anything towards the woman that had nearly caused Dawn's death. But Buffy didn't… well there was a little anger and some sadness but mostly Buffy was thankful.

Not thankful that Dawn was now in the hospital and in some sort of coma. No Buffy was angry at Willow about that and worried that her sister might not wake back up. But what Willow had done that night had awakened something in Buffy. Before the accident she had been numb and uncaring, there was a sort of barrier…like a pane of frosted glass, separating the Slayer from…everything. She hadn't even really cared that Willow and Dawn could be in trouble that night when Amy told her Willow had taken Dawn to Rack's. But the second the Slayer saw the wrecked car and her sister's broken body within it, the barrier shattered and the world was crystal clear once more.

And then she had seen Willow. Cut and bruised but nothing near to what Dawn endured. The witch had started crying and begging Buffy to not send her away. That she needed help.

"Get help or don't. I don't care. Just do it somewhere away from me and my family." Buffy had told the sobbing addict coldly then turned towards the sound of sirens blasting, the ambulance drawing closer to the scene. When the Slayer had turned back around Willow was gone.

Buffy had spent the night at the hospital, learning the devastating news that her sister had sustained a serious concussion and was unable to wake up. So many feelings had coursed through Buffy at the news it was overwhelming. Before the accident she hadn't really cared about anything. But after…Buffy desperately wanted her sister back. The sister she had ignored and neglected for months since her return from the dead. Buffy wanted to make it up to the teen. She wanted to watch her sister grow up. She wanted to be alive.

For the first time since coming back Buffy _wanted_ to be alive. She was ready to be the sister Dawn needed her to be but Dawn wasn't able to be there for it. So in away she owed Willow for not only bringing her back from the dead but also for making her want to live too. But as her sister was also still in comatose because of the witch it wasn't enough for Buffy to forgive her.

The Slayer wasn't entirely back to her former self though. Buffy's new desire to be there for Dawn was helping but Buffy still felt…cold. The frost paned glass was gone but in its place there was now a sheet of ice between her and a flame. Some areas of the 'wall' were thinner than others and she could almost feel the heat, but still not quite.

Which to Buffy explained Spike. She hadn't slept with Spike, or even seen him for that matter, since that night she had been with him before Dawn's accident. She knew enough to know that what she did with and wanted to still do with him was wrong but he made her _feel_. The flame flickered stronger against the ice when she was with him. He reassured her that she was really alive and on this plane but at the same time made her feel so dirty. After the accident Buffy had vowed to not have a repeat performance with the vampire. She'd get better some other way.

A blast of cold wind broke from her dark musings and returned to the present. _How do people deal with this for three or four months out of the year? They're insane. _She then sighed in relief at the sight of the 24 hour diner the _Sunny-Side Up_. Buffy quickly ran the rest of the way to the building. Groaning in relief as the warmth of the building's heater enveloped her body, she made her way to and open table.

She hadn't ever eaten at the diner before. She hadn't been very found of diners since her brief stint as a waitress in LA. But Buffy was cold, the diner was open, and that's really all that mattered.

The diner wasn't particularly remarkable in appearance. And Buffy couldn't help but noticed that the _Sunny-Side up_ wasn't so different from the one she had worked at. Same ugly tiled floors, bland tables filled with truckers and other graveyard shift workers, and one single, exhausted waitress franticly running from table to table trying to attend to all of her customers within a timely manner. Buffy watched sympathetically as the waitress tried to take the order from the table across the room from Buffy. Tried being the key word. The Slayer stiffened noticing the table full of hygiene deficient scruffy men hackling the poor girl.

From what Buffy could see of the waitress, as her front was facing the table of rowdy customers, the girl looked haggard, her waist unhealthily thin, her shoulders slumped and her body tensed defensively against the men and their crude comments. Buffy was surprised by the stirring of…anger the scene before her caused within herself. She had been getting better at connecting to the real world again but she hadn't felt like this since before-

"I think I'll order you and me back at my place!" One man chortled lustily looking the waitress up and down while his table mates laughed. He then snaked a hand around the waitress' waist in an attempt to pull her into his lap. Buffy was up and making her way to help the waitress in an instant. Just as she reached the table however the waitress managed to pull herself free and Buffy saw the woman's face for the first time. A wave of shocked surprised coursed through the Slayer at the sight.

"Tara." The waitress looked up at the soft whisper, confused by the familiar voice. The blonde winced when she saw who it was.

"Buffy." They both stared at each other, frozen in shock.

"Hey can we get some service here?" One of the truckers slammed his fist down on the table, startling both women. Buffy turned to inform the truckers exactly what kind of 'service' Buffy was going to give them, her muscles straining with effort not to strike out at them, but before she did Tara quickly intervened inquiring what the men wanted, apparently their hunger finally outweighed their desire to be a perverted pigs and the truckers finally gave their orders.

Tara quickly jotted it down, surprised by the change in attitude, but relieved and walked off to place it at the counter before she made her way to the Slayer, who had quietly returned to her table. "H-hey Buffy." Tara gave a fleeting smile before looking down, not able to meet Buffy's eyes.

"Tara hi umm…this is kind of a surprise. When did you start working here? And don't you have classes in the morning?" Buffy decided to keep a neutral tone even though her mind was screaming at her to grab the blonde, drag her away from this horrific job, then blast the Wicca for not coming to her for help. But one look into the tired sapphire eyes of the blonde and Buffy's angry fled, replaced with a gentle worry. Tara looked so worn down.

"Tomorrow's Saturday Sweetie." Tara smiled, relaxing a little as she noticed the Slayer's angry look deflate. "Th-th-this is just to pay for mm-my apartment" answering the unspoken question in Buffy's mind.

"Why aren't you living in the dorms?" Buffy asked, frowning at the return of Tara's stutter. She had almost completely lost that over the years since she and Willow had started dating.

"W-well umm ss-ince I w-wasn't planning on living in the dorms at the beginning of the semester I mm-m-missed r-r-registration and had to find sss-somewhere else." Tara fiddled with her pad and paper nervously.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Buffy felt guilty for not even thinking about other blonde since Tara had left the Summers' house.

"Because I-" Tara hesitated. "I d-didn't think-"

"Blondie! Get your worthless ass over here! I don't pay you to gossip with customers!" Tara nearly jumped out of her own skin turning to look at who must be the manager of the restaurant.

"Y-y-yes sss-sir. I'm c-c-coming." Tara gave Buffy an apologetic look, who looked back and forth from the jackass of a manager to poor Tara, noting how her stutter was getting even worse. "I just have to g-get one mm-m-more o-order d-down."

"Well h-h-h-urry it up!" he mocked before angrily shoving the swinging doors that led to the kitchen in and disappearing behind them.

Buffy was outraged. "Tara how can you stand to work here? That guy is a big…well…something bad!" the slayer snarled.

"Buffy!" Tara hissed, looking around nervously before leaning down to whisper "Buffy I _need_ this job! Please d-don't make a scene."

Buffy kept her outraged look for a few moments but relented under Tara's pleading one. "Alright, but you and I are going to have a talk later about this."

"I'm off in an hour." Tara offered with the ghost of a smile.

"Good, I'll walk you home." The Slayer nodded.

"Umm…" Tara frowned.

"No buts. It's nighttime and I gotta make sure my friends are safe and sound. Deal." Buffy mock glared at the Wiccan. "Oh and could I maybe get some coffee?" She shifted uncomfortably, not really enjoying making her friend work more, but still wanting the extra excuse to stick around till Tara's shift ended. "It's cold out and I didn't bring a jacket and um…I'm cold?"

"Sure Sweetie, I'll bring you some right out." Tara smiled indulgently. Whether the indulgent look was for the coffee or the forced bodyguard Buffy wasn't sure, but she smiled back reflexively. Tara just had the sweetest smile.

_Whoa. Hang on there._ _Sweetest smile? _Buffy frowned as Tara walked back to the kitchen. _Where did that thought come from?_ Sure Tara did have a sweet smile but that wasn't a reaction the slayer was used to having in regards to Tara. To women in general even. Not that she was having _that _kind of a reaction to Tara…was she?

Regardless though Buffy had to admit, it really was the sweetest smile.


	3. Chapter 2 Walking Home

**Chapter 3**

"So how long have you been working for the _Not so Sunny-Side_ diner? Buffy asked after they had been walking for several minutes in an awkward silence

"N-not very long." Tara replied looking down. "It's only for a l-little w-while. Till I get on my feet."

"Hey don't feel embarrassed. I once too experimented in the wild and crazy life that is waitressing." Buffy shrugged. "You do what you gotta do. Look at me I wear a cow hat forty hours a week for God's sake."

"You do?" Tara's brows knit in confusion not understanding what a silly hat had to do with anything. "Why do you have a hat with a cow on it?"

A wave of shocked realization slammed into the Slayer at the question. Buffy's feet froze in place and she just stood there, feelings of regret and self disgust coursing her. No one had told Tara what happened about her new job or…about Willow…or Dawn…

"Oh God…Tara I am so sorry!"

"For w-what?"

"For not telling you."

"About your cow hat?" Tara attempted a joke knowing she was about to hear something far more serious, but wanting to ease the Slayer's guilt of not telling her anything. As much as Tara loved the Scoobies she knew deep down that she was always simply "Willow's girlfriend" to them. And she harbored them no ill will for the pain the loss of their friendship had caused. It was her own fault for deluding herself into being capable of having friends.

"Maybe we should head to the hospital…I'm pretty sure once you hear this you'll want to head there anyway." Buffy shifted nervously from foot to foot, mentally kicking herself for her insensitivity. Tara didn't deserve to be kept out of the loop like that…and Buffy thought she was getting better at being alive again…

Tara's eyes widened at the mention of the hospital. "H-h-hospital?" the Wiccan looked down at her feet for a moment guessing who it was that was in the hospital. Looking up and meeting Buffy's apologetic eyes she asked "It's W-w-willow isn't it? S-sh-she went to f-far with her mm-magicks right?"

"No!" Buffy answered quickly. "I mean yes…that is, no Willow isn't in the hospital. We're not even sure where she is period. Her stuff is gone and Xander says she hasn't been to her parent's house at all since she disappeared…but she did go too far with magick yeah."

"Then who…Dawn." Tara gasped with realization. "Oh Goddess Buffy she hurt Dawnie didn't she?" Tears welled in the Wiccan's eyes. Buffy looked startled.

"Yeah…how'd you guess? Buffy cocked her head to one side.

"Dawnie and I…w-w-we've been meeting every Friday n-night since I l-left. We'd go f-for milkshakes and a movie. But the w-week before l-last she didn't s-show up." Tara shook her head and started walking again, switching directions to walk to the hospital. Buffy followed without comment. "I called the house a couple times to see if anything was wrong but no one answered. And I s-sent her a few emails even…but no answer. When she didn't show up for our night out last night I figured mm-mmaybe she was mad at me? For leaving?" Tara shook her head. "But she wasn't was she?" She looked at Buffy with pain and worry. "She's been in the h-hospital this whole time?" Tara's heart broke at the thought. She'd been in the hospital possibly dying and Tara hadn't been there. _You are such a coward Tara. Afraid to go to the house to check on Dawnie because you were to afraid of seeing Willow…of Dawnie telling you to go away and never speak to her again._

"Yes," Buffy's voice cracked. "I'm sorry Tara. I should have come looking for you to tell you sooner. Dawn had your new phone number written down I just didn't…I didn't think…I was…"

"Oh no Buffy, it's fine," Tara reassured. "It really doesn't matter. What's important is that you were there for Dawnie."

Buffy grabbed the Wiccan's arm, pulling them both to a halt so she could look directly in Tara's eyes. "Of course it matters!" Buffy fidgeted a moment, struggling for the right words. "Tara you're part of this family too. You are!" she tried again, reigning in her voice to a more calm state. "Alright?"

Tara nodded, not really convinced but wanted to ease the Slayer's guilt. "C-can we go see her?"

Buffy started walking again, pulling the Wiccan along with her in answer, the Slayer's arm entwined with Tara's at the elbow. "I'll explain what happened on the way."


	4. Chapter 3 The trap

**Chapter 4**

"Her room's just up here." Buffy led Tara down the hallway of the hospital. "You know it really amazes me how lax security is in this place. I mean this is Sunnydale, but you'd think someone would have stopped us…"

"Mm," Tara agreed absently, her attention seemed drawn somewhere else. Suddenly she stopped walking, pulling Buffy to a halt.

"Tara? Dawn's room is over here." She gestured down the hall. But Tara was paying no attention. Her eyes were half closed and her brow furrowed in concentration. "Tara what-"

"Willow," the Wiccan interrupted in a soft whisper. Buffy stiffened in response, her eyes dancing wildly down the darkened hallway.

"Where?" she whispered back.

Tara shook her head, frowning. "Not here…but she's been here…I can sense her."

"You can sense each other?"

"Not exactly," Tara shook her head, her concentration still somewhere else. "I can sense her magic. It has…kind of a…signature."

"And you sense it here? In the Hospital?" Buffy watched the Wiccan closely as she closed her eyes and now appeared to be straining find whatever it was she was sensing. Tara didn't answer. She instead took off running down the hallway. "Dawn." Fearing the worst Buffy took off after the Wiccan.

Buffy easily caught up with Tara and when entering the room she found herself actually surprised. Expecting a fancy spell of some kind to be surrounding her sister or even to find Dawn missing, Buffy was not expecting the room to look exactly the same as it had before she had left for patrol that night. Except of course for Tara's presence, who was quietly sitting on the bedside chair next to Dawn's bed her arm outstretched over the girl's forehead, whispering in Latin.

Buffy wanted to interrupt, wanted to ask what the other blond was doing to her sister, having developed a dislike for magic after Willow's abuses of them. Buffy swallowed the impulse though having never had a reason not to trust Tara completely before.

After several painstakingly long minutes of simply watching the Wiccan Buffy startled when Tara gasped and quickly withdrew her hand from Dawn's forehead as if burnt.

"Tara?" Buffy took a step towards the bed but hesitated unsure what the hidden threat was.

Tara shook her head. "It's a trap," her weary voice filled with sadness.

"A trap? For what? For me?" Buffy questioned moving towards Tara and when the Wiccan gave no indication that she shouldn't Buffy knelt at Tara's side and looked up into the tired sad eyes.

"No." She replied pausing slightly before continuing. "It's for m-me." Tara looked down and fiddled with her stained apron. Buffy said nothing but looked at her expectantly. "There's a um…a spell in Dawnie's mind…it's sort of a umm…a sleep spell, kind of. It's not so much keeping her asleep so much as keeping her from waking up," Tara explained making sure Buffy was following along.

"Wait what?" Buffy's brow scrunched up in confusion.

"Well she's in a coma so putting a sleep spell on her would be rather pointless," Tara explained. "What she did was put a sort of block in Dawnie's mind that she wouldn't be able to pass even if her mind heals completely, keeping her from waking up. Umm…did that make sense?"

Buffy shook her head in bewilderment. "Not really, no, it never does though, so don't bother. You can fix it though? Or is that the trap?" Buffy guessed. Tara nodded sadly, looking down again The Slayer sighed really hating and only somewhat fathoming that her ex best friend was doing this. "What would happen to you if you triggered it or whatever?"

Tara shook her head, still looking down. "I'm not entirely sure…It could do the same to me…put me in a coma or even kill me. Or knowing Willow it probably is another mind control spell of hers set to trigger after I fix Dawnie," Tara visibly shivered.

"Wait mind control spell? Since when does Will do that?" Buffy's eyes nearly popped out of her head. Another realization hit the Slayer, she really didn't know the exact circumstances that had sent Tara packing three weeks ago. _God no wonder Tara thinks none of us care about her._

"Looking back I'm not sure exactly when they started," Tara answered after a long silence in which Tara visibly tried to collect her thoughts, obviously dredging up some very painful memories. "I know for sure W-willow cast a spell to make me f-forget a fight w-we had about her magic abuse. Dawnie had apparently heard whatever argument we had and I learned from her that the argument had taken place. I did a little research and added two and two and got forget spell."

Tara paused to swallow a lump in her throat, Buffy remained silently attentive, gently rubbing her hand comfortingly on Tara's upper arm."I um…confronted her about it. I asked her why she had violated me like that, but she didn't see it that way and tried to defend what she did." Buffy flinched a little at what her friend had sunk to. "I told her I was going to leave and she begged me to stay, that I was more important than the magic, that she'd quit if I wanted her to. She'd go a whole month without magic to prove it she had said." Tara scoffed. "I told her to try a week and we'd see…That was the night before she accidently wiped all our minds at the Magic Box…That's when I left," Tara grew silent.

Buffy watched Tara closely feeling a very foreign sympathy for the Wiccan. If this was the kind of story needed to make the Slayer get past her numbness, Buffy wasn't so sure she wanted to fully recover her emotions. _God how could Willow do that to her? Especially after Glory. _Buffy looked up when Tara had jerked her head up in alarm at the kneeling woman.

"What?" Buffy glanced around not seeing anything in the room having change.

"You growled," Tara smiled weakly.

"I did?" _I don't remember growling… _Buffy frowned trying to remember.

"Yes you did," Tara laughed gently. "But um…we need to decide what to do here," Tara's smile faded as she nodded towards Dawn.

"Right," Buffy nodded. "So you think Willow set up a witchy trap for you?"

"I'm pretty sure," Tara shifted a little in her chair, feeling restless. "When I do this, it's going to alert Willow that I'm trying to break her spell at the same time it will set off the trap she set. More than likely Willow will feed her powers into the trap so that I won't be able to overpower it with my magic and whatever it is she wants to do to me will happen," Tara sighed. "But even in that scenario I'll be able to remove Willow's stasis spell before that happens," Tara smiled a little at the Slayer. At least there was a little good news.

"And that wouldn't wake her up even? It would just remove the spell that would keep her asleep if she did get better?"

"Right," Tara affirmed. "But there's no point in not doing it because Willow's just going to find another way to do whatever this is on me," She shook her head. "Might as well get it over with now and help Dawnie a little in the process," The Wiccan said, resigned.

"No!" Buffy gripped Tara's hand almost painfully. "No that is not happening. We'll go to the magic box and we'll find a different way to get rid of the spell or damn it I'll go hunt Willow down and kick her ass around until she undoes it herself, but I will NOT let you sacrifice yourself. That is not an option."

Tara smiled despite Buffy's obvious anger. "I never said I was going to sacrifice myself Buffy." The Slayer looked at her in confusion.

"But you just said-"

"I said exactly what Willow is expecting to happen. But what I think Willow forgets is that I've been practicing a lot longer than she has. I know a few more things than she does," Tara grinned. "I don't want to be Willow's love slave Buffy. I wouldn't say I could do this if I didn't think I could pull it off."

Buffy frowned. She really didn't like magic. It made no sense whatsoever. "Are you sure?" she asked. "Because if not Tare we can take a little time and research this a little."

Tara considered it. Buffy was right it wouldn't make much difference to wait a day or so to double check there was no other way to 'defuse' Willow's spell. But what she had planned would really be foolproof and not something she thought Willow even knew was possible much less something she was watching for. And more than anything really she wanted this disgusting spell off her friend. A streak of anger that Tara couldn't quite keep in check worked its way through her. How dare Willow use Dawnie to get to her!

Nodding her head Tara responded. "Yes I'm sure. I'm ending this now." Without bothering to wait for a response from Buffy Tara raised her hand to Dawn's temple once more, before she had even gotten the first word of the incantation out another voice interrupted.

"I think this is when I'm supposed to say 'that's what you think Tara'." Tara turned to see Willow stride into the room, a grin that was all wrong for the Willow she knew sporting her face. Buffy leapt to her feet, her body instantly ready for whatever this new element would add to the situation. "Oh Buffy relax," Willow waved a hand and Buffy found herself flung back onto a waiting chair across the room. "I'm not here to fight."


	5. Chapter 4 Resisiting

**Chapter 5**

"What do you want then?" Tara spoke softly, having watched Buffy fly across the room in horror, but refusing to give up her spot between Willow and Dawn. Seeing the Slayer sit up, Tara inwardly sighed in relief. Her gaze grew worried however when she saw that Buffy was unable to stand. _A holding spell. Great._

Willow chuckled. "You were just about to show off how much _more_ you knew about magic than I do. I just wanted a front row seat." Moving a chair with another wave of her hand the redhead sat near the foot of Dawn's bed. "Don't let me interrupt."

Buffy struggled in vain to break through the witch's spell. "Damn it Willow, if you do anything to either one of them-"

Willow waved her hand again and Buffy was now mute. "There. No more distractions. Start when you're ready Tare," Willow grinned knowingly. She didn't believe for a second that Tara would be able to thwart her powers.

"You know Will," Tara said quietly as she placed her hand back on Dawn's temple, "you always did assume I was the weaker of us both."

"And you're going to show me otherwise?" Willow laughed.

"I've already done that several times now," Tara replied quietly, her voice sad, not boasting. "Now I'm just going to show you in terms you can comprehend." Willow frowned at the cold barb thrown her way, but she didn't say anything, Tara had started the spell. Feeling her mind ward on Dawn being tampered with Willow dismissed Tara's words. Soon Tara would know what it was like…soon she'd see things Willow's way.

Willow expected that Tara would attempt some sort of loop hole or disarmament of the trap she had set but she didn't expect for Tara to just push straight through it with her powers, setting it off. Willow gasped softly, then smiled gleefully. Soon.

Buffy's eyes darted back and forth from the smiling redhead to the silent figures across the room, feeling the growing heat of magic filling the room, the Slayer struggled even more against the spell surrounding her. _Damn you Willow._ Buffy was helpless. Her sister and friend were in trouble and she could do nothing.

And just as the magic in the room had grown to an almost unbearable intensity, it stopped and Tara pulled away with an audible gasp, the magic disappearing and sending the Wiccan flying across the room into the wall.

"Tara!" Buffy tried to call out, Willow's silencing spell still surrounded her. Willow hadn't moved from her chair though, her eyes raked the blond witch with eager anticipation.

They watched as Tara slowly pushed herself up to her feet, her back turned to them, when the Wiccan turned around however Buffy gasped, silently, in horror.

Tara's eyes were jet black.

"That was your trap?" Tara asked her voice surprisingly even as she bore into Willow with her dark gaze.

"Yes," Willow leapt to her feet and moved with in arms reach of Tara. "Don't you feel it Tara. How wonderful it feels? How-"

"Shut up," Tara waved a hand and now Willow couldn't speak. The redhead's eyes widened in surprise. "No, Willow this doesn't feel wonderful. This doesn't feel intoxicating." Tara ranted as she stalked past the wide-eyed redhead. "I don't want to run off into the night with you casting wild and crazy spells every which way we turn," Tara threw her hands up in the air and turned from her pacing to glare at Willow with cold disgust. "If you had ever in the two years we've been together taken a moment to even ask me about my childhood you'd understand that I know EXACTLY what dark magic is like!" Tara raged. "You'd fucking know Willow exactly _why_ I loathe to be even in the presence of dark magic. How else do you think my father was able to keep me believing I was a demon most of my life? Huh?" With another wave of her hand Willow rose several feet in the air and was quickly slammed into the wall behind her. The Wiccan waved her hand again and Buffy fell off the couch, having still been trying to resist Willow's holding spell and hadn't expected Tara to remove it.

Paying no attention as the Slayer scrambled over to Dawn's bed to check her over Tara moved so she was right up in Willow's face, as the redhead stared uncomprehendingly at Tara, unable to do anything else, even if Tara hadn't held her immobile against the wall.. "Did you ever ask Willow, what it was my mother had died of?" Willow shook her head as much as she could, fear paralyzing her more than the spell keeping her in the air. Willow had never seen Tara like this. She didn't want Tara to be like this. "Did you even care?" Tara's voice cracked, emotion finally breaking through her steel resolve. "Did I mean anything to you other than as someone you could own?" Willow wanted to answer, wanted to tell Tara that wasn't true. It wasn't… "God," Tara laughed without a trace of humor. "Did you even pick me over Oz because you wanted me?" She poked the redhead sharply with one finger, "or was it the magic? Without me you'd still be floating pencils, and you knew it so you picked me over him didn't you?!" Tara viciously poked Willow again.

Tara lost it. The room began to tremble and a thick cloud swirled above her head, thunder and lightning cracking in loud noisy bursts. Buffy clutched her sister to her as much as she could, truly frightened. There wasn't anything a Slayer could do against magic, and the accusations that came from Tara's mouth may have been true, but the way in which Tara was expressing them was beyond out of character.

But just as suddenly as it had appeared the cloud evaporated into nothing and both Willow and Tara sank to the floor. Free of the binding spell Willow rushed to Tara wanting to say God only knew what in reply to the horrid things Tara had just accused herself in her magic haze. Buffy was fairly sure though that her ex best friend was done trying to convince Tara to come back to her, magically or otherwise.

"Get out." Tara practically growled, her voice taken on a tone so icy Willow physically flinched. Buffy gazed at the pair with concern. For Tara at any rate. She may not have exactly agreed with all Tara had accused Willow of, but some of it was likely true and she was still deeply angry at the redhead for her inclusion of Dawn in all of this.

"But baby-"

"Don't you ever call me that again." Tara was no longer yelling, but her voice had held an icy finality to it. "You have no idea what you just did to me. And you probably never will. Get. Out. Now," Tara spat before burying her face in her upraised knees, rocking back and forth. "Go!" Tara screamed when Willow didn't move.

Completely speechless, the night having derailed completely from how she had planned it to go, Willow simply nodded, her face a mask of sadness and regret. Buffy wasn't sure if Willow was finally realizing the damage she'd done to Tara's psyche or if she was simply sad that Tara hadn't fallen for her plan. Either way Willow silently and without comment left the hospital room. The door clicking shut with a resounding echo.


	6. Chapter 5 Aftermath

*Sorry for the lateness of this update, the Holidays got the better of me, this next bit is on the exposition side, so bear with me, there will be more action/ romance in the next update*

**Chapter 5**

Assured that Dawn was safe, or at least was still alive and in her coma, Buffy let her go and cautiously made her way over to Tara. After the door had shut Tara had quickly crawled across the floor to press herself in a corner of the room, heart-wrenching sobs wracking her body. Buffy may not have known a lot about magic but she guessed that what just happened was not in anyway what Tara had planned for.

Getting down on her knees Buffy approached her friend. "Tare?" Buffy reached a hand out to grasp the other woman's shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Tara whimpered pushing herself further against the wall. "I'm disgusting! Filthy! Evil!" She wailed between sobs. Ignoring the Wiccan's wishes Buffy quickly scooped the broken woman in her arms and carried her to the tiny couch, ignoring Tara's attempts to break free of her grasp. "N-no! I'm bad…you shouldn't! I'm sss—so bad!"

"Shh no you're not." Buffy hugged Tara to her. "You've had bad things done to you. But you're still the same beautiful, sweet, has a really weird sense of humor, Tara that we know and love. Nothing can take that away from you," the Slayer soothed, her heart breaking with every whimpered cry the woman in her arms gave.

"My humor is n-not weird." Tara hiccupped, finally calming a little and loosened her death-grip on the Slayer. Tara still held on to Buffy though, still unwilling to end the contact with Buffy completely, the dark magic flowing through the Wiccan making her feel scared and vulnerable. Tara wouldn't meet the Slayer's gaze, however, she simply refused to let Buffy see her eyes when she was still under its influence.

"Wanna talk about it?" Buffy questioned after they had sat there quietly holding each other for a few minutes. Buffy was trying to be patient, but she had a thousand questions about what had just transpired with Willow. Her patience had its limits.

"No…I c-can't right now." Tara whispered, burying her head further into Buffy's embrace. Buffy nodded and held the other woman a little tighter, not knowing what else she could to for Tara.

Emotions swirled inside Buffy. Just a few hours Buffy was reveling in the fact that she could feel the single emotion of anger but now was almost overloaded with different emotions she was unsure how to process them all. She was both worried and frightened for and of the powers that were apparently running rampant through Tara, who was controlling them with seemingly enormously stressed self control. Buffy was furious at Willow for both Tara and Dawn's behalf and saddened that her best friend was long lost in Willow's addiction. The Slayer was also terrified that her sister was now probably permanently stuck in a coma. And impatient that she didn't quite know all the details on that…

"I'm sorry Tare, but I have to ask is Dawn..?"

"She's fine." Tara sniffled, hesitantly lifting her head up to meet Buffy's gaze, her eyes still black but rimmed with tears. Buffy tried not to show her discomfort at the sight of the black pools. "The spell is gone and I've got protection spells on her to keep Willow from pulling something like this again."

"What kind of spells?" Buffy asked, her tone accusing. Tara looked stricken at the question and quickly pulled away from the Slayer, looked down and wrapped her arms around herself.

"J-just a ward against W-w-willow's m-mmagic signature," Tara paused to look up at Buffy her expression pleading with the Slayer to believe her. "Nothing bad I swear. I… I w-wouldn't." Tara looked back down at her lap, her confidence lost. "I won't," she repeated more to herself than Buffy.

Seeing Tara withdraw into herself not to mention the return of her stutter stabbed at Buffy's heart. "I'm sorry Tare, I know more than anything else at this point, that you would never hurt Dawn." Buffy cautiously reached a hand out to touch Tara's shoulder. Seeing Tara flinch at the contact Buffy frowned. "Tara…look at me," she requested, her tone soft but demanding. Getting no response from Tara she tried, "Tara look at me, please." Something in her tone must have resonated with the Wiccan as Tara's head shot up, her eyes concerned…unfortunately still black as well. Tara must have recognized they were still black, as she dropped her gaze from Buffy's eyes and back to the couch.

"I'm ss-ssorry Buffy," was all Tara could manage, her voice cracking as pent of emotion bubbled forth and the Wiccan was crying again.

"Come here," Buffy requested and felt relieved when Tara did not resist the invitation back into her arms. "Now you listen to me," Buffy whispered firmly into the other woman's ear, as she clutched Tara to her with a fierce desperation that surprised the Slayer. "You've done nothing wrong here. The way…the way I reacted earlier it wasn't…it wasn't about you or your magic it's just…after everything Willow…after I came back…I just can't help but react that way to magic. The rational part of my mind knows that it's the person wielding the power that makes the decision to cast dark magic but another part of me just…isn't that rational," Buffy finished off helplessly.

"I know," Tara sniffled, her voice muffled against Buffy's chest. "I know that Buffy I'm just reacting to…stuff."

They both laughed. "We're both really bad at this aren't we?"

Tara smiled, her tears seeming to have abated somewhat. "I think we're both getting really tired of hurting."

"How bout we table it for now and just settle for a hug then?" Tara nodded her ascent absently, her mind having already drifted back into her magic induced fog, Buffy guessed. Not knowing how else to help Tara, Buffy settled for holding the blonde witch, petting her hair softly and whispering words of comfort, content that at the moment both she, Tara and Dawn were together and at least alive if not whole.


	7. Chapter 6 Feeling Again

**Chapter 6**

"One of these days we'll start using the car," Buffy said to fill the silence as the pair made their way to Buffy's house. It would be morning soon, and Buffy and Tara agreed that the morning staff at the hospital might find her black eyed look a little on the odd side. The Slayer had refused to let Tara go home to her own place, however, when she was 'under the influence', and with Willow wandering around, possibly plotting new ways to win Tara back.

"Do you think she's causing the weird weather?" Tara asked quietly, her head still fixed on the ground. She hated the slimy seductive feeling the magic in her forced her to experience and she desperately didn't want Buffy to see her black eyes any more than she already had.

"I don't know," Buffy considered the idea. "Is that something she's capable of?"

"Possibly," Tara nodded, looking up at Buffy slightly, sill adverting her eyes. "I can't think of a reason Willow would want to though, unless it's the side effect of some sort of," Tara shook her head and gave a wearied sigh, "I don't know…a summoning spell or something."

"Sounds like we have some research to do," Buffy said.

"Mm," Tara agreed absently.

Buffy opened her mouth to say something but paused as a shadowed figure stepped in front of the duo's path. Taking a closer look at their possible attacker Buffy sighed. _Spike is so not what I want to deal with right now._

"Fancy meeting you two here," the tall blonde figure laughed as he sauntered over to Buffy. "You and I need to have a little chat, Slayer," Spike said as he lit a cigarette. The vampire took a drag from his cigarette.

"Spike it's been a long night," Buffy said dismissively, grabbed on to Tara's arm and quickly dragged them both past the smoking vampire.

"Hey now," Spike moved up in front of the pair, forcing them to halt their steps. "Why don't you let the little bird here walk on home, it's safe, I checked, while you and I _discuss," _Spike gave Buffy a leer, " some…_business_?"

Buffy felt her stomach churn as memories that once brought her some sense of pleasure now brought only disgusted shame."Spike the _business_ you and I had is over. It was a bad idea, and I can't even believe you're bringing it up now, with everything else going on."

"What you mean Little Bit?" Spike's leer gave way to concern. "She alright, then?"

"Dawn's condition hasn't changed," Buffy reluctantly told him, if nothing else the Slayer did have to admit that Spike had at least some genuine concern for Dawn, at least enough to warrant an update on her condition.

"Then what's the problem? You haven't been by since the accident. You can't sit around moping Buffy, it's not healthy. Make people start to wonder it will," Spike stepped up into Buffy's personal space. "I can help you…or at least forget about it for a little while," Spike's cocky grin was back.

Buffy opened her mouth to retort back but both she and Spike were shocked to see Tara step forward, lift one hand up and with an unseen force slammed the bewildered vampire up against a nearby tree. "You're not going to make Buffy forget anything," Tara informed him, her voice holding the same iciness that it had back at the hospital.

"Oi, Glinda what's up with the black beady eyes, then, eh? I didn't think you have the stomach for spells of that sort…hey, ow!" Spike suddenly found himself airborne again, only to be slammed once more into the tree, his face inches from a rather deadly looking branch. "Watch it Glinda!"

"Tara, stop!" Buffy put a hand to Tara's shoulder but the Wiccan simply ignored it.

"Spike, Buffy might be able to reign in the desire to stake you, but my patience isn't so high tonight so if you have _any_ desire to get personal with that branch there, please, keep talking. But don't you _ever_ mention forgetting again! Got it?"

Spike gulped as he felt his back dig further into the back of the tree. Perhaps it really was bad timing on his part. Completely confused and not wanting to say anything to further ignite the girl's apparently very short fuse, he simply nodded his assent.

Without another word Tara unceremoniously dropped Spike to the ground and continued her trek. Buffy shared a quick glance with Spike before dismissing his confused and rather shaken look and took off to catch up with Tara.

"I'm s-ssorry," Tara whispered when Buffy returned to her side. Buffy couldn't help the wave of relief that ran through her to hear Tara sound less dominatrixy and more Taray…even if it was sad, self loathing, Tara voice.

"It's not your fault, Tara. He rubs everyone the wrong way."

"He said he'd help you f-forget and I j-j-just snapped. I know that's n-not what he m-meant, but I-"

"Shh," Buffy wrapped an arm around the shaking Wiccan. "Tara I think everything is just a little raw right now, don't worry about it. Spike'll get over it. And heck maybe we'll get lucky and he actually stay away for a few days, now." Tara didn't reply, she simply nodded and leaned into the Slayer, still shaking. Buffy frowned in worry, wondering if the shaking was less related to Tara's chaotic emotional state and more along the lines of a reaction to the magic Willow had forced on Tara.

"Come on," Buffy switched directions, guiding Tara along with here. "I'm taking you back home. I don't think you should really be by yourself tonight."

"B-buffy I can't go there, W-willow-" Tara started to panic.

"Willow, if she knows what's good for her won't show her face around my house for a long time," Buffy's voice held a note of steel to it.

"But I c-can't-"

"Yes you can," Buffy wasn't entirely sure what the big deal was here, but she had a guess. "You can stay in Dawn's room, or the couch or my room or wherever, you don't have to set foot in that room again, alright?"

Tara only nodded, either agreeing to Buffy's logic, or too tired to continue arguing.

"Besides, I think we might need to talk a little bit more, tonight. It might do us both some good." Buffy felt Tara nod against her side, but she wasn't entirely sure the other blonde was listening. Tara's gaze was vacant. Buffy stepped up the pace a little, noting that Tara didn't even comment on it, she simply adjusted and moved with the Slayer.

Whatever was wrong with Tara went way beyond the magic violation that Willow committed that night. Tara mentioned having been quite familiar with this dark magic and the spell Willow cast must have brought it all back to the forefront of her mind, and obviously they were memories that Tara had yet to ever deal with. Buffy was determined to help her friend work through it now, but in order to do that the Slayer needed some answers.

_I wonder how Tara would react if I picked her up and ran home?_

-------

"So, feeling up to talking, or would you rather sleep?" Buffy asked as the pair settled down next to each other on the Summers' couch, gaining a brief smile from the Wiccan for her attempt at humor. Buffy had decided against picking Tara up and running home, but they managed to make it back within good time, and the walk seemed to have helped Tara bit. She no longer held the expression of a zombie at any rate.

"Could you maybe just…n-never mind," Tara fidgeted, looking down.

Frowning at the stutter, Buffy gently lifted Tara's chin with one finger to meet her gaze, inwardly sighing with relief that Tara's eyes, were now at least showing some of their usual blue. "Ask me Tara," she requested softly.

Tara wasn't sure whether to bolt from the couch or to give in to Buffy's request but something in her decided to just ask, or possibly her need was just that much stronger than her fears. "I really need a hug," Tara managed before collapsing into Buffy's startled, but not unwelcoming arms. She didn't cry. Tara wasn't sure she had any tears left. She simply needed the contact. It grounded her, kept her from accepting that a part of her really wanted to give in to the foreign magick swirling around inside her.

"Whatever you need, Tara, I'm here," Buffy whispered fiercely into Tara's ear, wanting her words to be heard by the distraught woman. Buffy didn't know when exactly Tara became essential to her life. The Slayer found it completely ludicrous that just a few hours ago she had been pleased to just have felt any sort of emotion at all, given the many different emotions swirling around her at that moment, all because of the shaking woman in her arms. _Shaking? Hm…_

"Tara, this may be the dumbest question I can ask you, but are you alright? You're kinda shaking pretty bad," Buffy asked, her brow knitting together as she tried to examine Tara for some sort of injury.

Tara flinched at the question, and was quiet for several minutes before answering, still keeping her head firmly tucked in Buffy's shoulder. "It's um…It's the…w-w-withdraws," Tara managed, ashamed.

"Withdraws?" Buffy asked, her heart sinking as her suspicious were confirmed. "Like as in drug addiction?"

"It can be like that, yes," Tara answered. "Especially with the spell W-willow cast. I'm not sure she fully understood what it was meant for. My shaking right now is more along the lines of the magick trying to work its way out of my system though, and my not letting it out." Another shudder shook through Tara's frame, but Buffy suspected it wasn't from withdraws.

"You'll have to explain that one to me. I don't understand how someone can shoot another person up with magic. Isn't magic something you're born with, not something you can…pump into other people like some sort of witchy steroids?"

Tara laughed a little, despite herself. "It's a little like steroids actually, more like heroine. It's not actually magic that's being shot into the other person. It's actually a dependency spell that powerful sorcerers used to create slaves out of magic practitioners who were less powerful than they were," Tara explained. "The sorcerer would cast a spell that creates a sort of high within the other magic user, making them feel strong and invincible…everything else in life just doesn't matter when you have this feeling coursing through you," Tara paused, her voice having taking on a very strained tone. Buffy winced, guessing that the last thing Tara needed was to describe how enticing the very thing she was trying to resist using at that moment was. "What the spell really does," Tara continued," is create a…connection between the two of them, that makes the 'user' for lack of a better term extremely dependant on the 'dealer'."

"And that causes you to get black eyes, go crazy, create demons and nearly kill teenagers?" Buffy asked a little too harshly, she regretted her words almost instantly.

Tara grimaced, ducking down to hide her eyes again in shame. "It causes you to become reckless," she agreed. "For people like Willow it makes them feel important, makes them want to prove they are worth something. And I do have a nagging suspect that whoever Willow's 'dealer' is, is the one who summoned the demon that went after her and Dawn, using Willow's powers in this case probably though."

"Using her powers?"

"Willow's a very powerful witch. But she's not very well researched in utilizing that power properly," Tara explained, her tone growing a little stronger as her mind left her current predicament to trying to put the pieces together. "She was never taught properly and anyone who tried to teach her anything other than the next big spell she could conquer, went in one ear and out the other. So she's hampered by that somewhat, but she is powerful. Anyone with any magic ability can see that," Tara explained. "But if she went to some…'magic dealer'," Tara winced at the word choice but couldn't think of a better description, "and the dealer could sense the power within her they'd definitely want to keep her around so they'd use a really powerful dependency spell. One of the big draws to "magic dealing" is that once that connection is created the 'dealer' can tap into the 'users' powers and do whatever they want."

"Summoning demons for instance?" Light donned in Buffy's eyes.

"Yes, not that it excuses Willow much. Eventually though, most 'dealers' will drain the 'user' of their magic completely through the connection and kill the 'user'."

"And what happened tonight?" Buffy asked not wanting to worry about Willow right then, she was still too angry.

"Tonight is a great example of one of Willow's biggest flaws as a witch," Tara's teeth grinded a little bit in anger. "She never actually researches a spell she wants to use completely. She sees the end result that she wants and doesn't even see what the spell is actually doing," Tara's voice was almost ranting now. "She thinks if her intent is different the spell will be as well and that's not always how magic works."

"And for you?" Buffy asked, trying hard to steer the conversation away from Willow, and back to what she believed Tara needed to talk about right now. "Why was it you were so prepared for the dark magic connection thingy? Why aren't you all over Willow begging for another fix?" Buffy winced at Tara's flinch at the description.

"There's a part of me that really wants to," Tara admitted quietly. "But for me it's complicated…" Tara hesitated, "because of me and my mother's experience with the spell." Tara looked up into Buffy's startled gaze.

"Your mother?"

Tara sighed and was quiet for a little while. Buffy remained silent and waited patiently for Tara to sort out her thoughts.

"She was very sick. Cancer," Tara related, her still mostly black eyes, growing distant. "Towards the end, nothing was working, and my father found a doctor that did house visits, which was much cheaper than keeping her at the hospital. Mom wanted to be at home in the end anyway," Tara paused, the memories still too raw, Buffy guessed. The Slayer rubbed Tara's forearm soothingly and squeezed her quietly in support. "Sometime in the last few weeks before she…died, or maybe before that, I'm not really sure, Mama was using dark magick," Tara grimaced in memory. "She said it helped her forget the pain for a while, but she was so…different when she was under its influence," Tara struggled for the right words. "She was reckless. She snuck out of the house a couple of time and went wandering in the fields around the farm. She was so sick, she needed to be resting not outside barefoot in the cold, conjuring charms in the air. They were harmless charms, just lights and shapes in the air, but they were taxing on her and someone could have seen them out in the open like that," Tara's tone took on a hint of admonishment. "I always tried to keep track of her and get her back home before my father found out, but one time he did."

Tara looked down, studying the couch intently. "It just so happened that the time my father saw some of the random lights and shapes out in the field, mother decided to…share her dark magic with me," Tara paused, feeling shamed tears well up in eyes. "I don't know where she learned the spell, it was magic we were never suppose to practice, and I told her no, what she was doing frightened me, but she cast the spell anyway…she wasn't in her right mind. She would have never done that if she weren't sick and full of all those medications the new doctor insisted on," Tara defended. "But she cast the same spell as Willow did on me and I felt the dark magic inside me, wanting me to cast so much, and I wanted to cast, Buffy I did. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world to do, but it felt so…wrong, Mama looked so…wrong, and I… I was scared."

Buffy pulled Tara into a tighter hug, pausing her narration. "Shh, Tara It's okay, Sweetie, it wasn't your fault." They spent a few minutes like that before Tara was ready to continue, her voice taking on a faint husk.

"I ran. I ran till I made it to the barn. I think I was hoping I could just hide out there until the feelings past, till I didn't want to caste anymore, but Dad found me. He had brought Mom inside, said that she was sick so she didn't know any better, but that I wasn't and I did know better. He showed me what my eyes looked like and he told me that was the demon, that because Mama was so sick the demon was stronger and she was trying to help my demon gain control of me, and that was it, staring at me in the mirror with those black eyes…I…believed him… I didn't know what else it could have been. Daddy had always told me and Mom that our magic came from the demon in us but Mama always denied it and I trusted her, but that day…" Tara shook her head and cleared her throat.

"Dad beat me pretty good. To keep the demon in me from surfacing, he said. And I felt it wanting to lash out at him with every swing he took at me, but I held it in, I didn't want to be a monster a-and what he said made so much sense to me back then," Tara scoffed. "I didn't even start researching dark magic and what really went on was until I moved to Sunnydale."

"Before Mama died she cast one more spell on me. To 'keep the real demon from finding me', she said. I thought she meant Dad and that's why I ran. I couldn't take the beatings anymore and I knew if I stayed I'd let the demon out in anger and hurt him, but um…that's really not about the dark magic."

"Did you ever find out what got her mother started on dark magic?" Buffy asked as gently as she possibly could.

"No," Tara answered, her voice hollow. "She always condemned black magick and warned me never to use it, so it made absolutely no sense to me when she started showing signs of using it. Someone must have acted as her 'dealer' I suppose, though there are other ways to get…'high' on black magick that probably would have been the easiest way for her. She was so weak that I couldn't imagine she had caste the spells on her own, but I don't know."

"And that's how you were able to resist the magic this time, because you experienced it that one other time?"

Tara flinched at the question, before reluctantly answering. "No…I said that there were ways to 'get high' off dark magic yourself, without a 'dealer'," Tara's voice was filled with shame. "A little while after Mom died I found one of the ways and cast it on myself," she said. "Everything was so miserable. Mom was gone, Daddy and Donnie were…were so…horrible that I just went numb and after awhile I just…wanted to feel…anything…you know?"

"I know," Buffy said with true understanding.

"Anyway…that time…I went crazy. I was casting spells left and right. Out in the f-fields though, I didn't want to accidentally hurt anyone. But then one time, turned into another and then another, and another, until one time Donnie caught me sneaking out to the fields and he followed me." Buffy winced in reaction, guessing where that probably led. "The magic…is so hard to control when you're under it like that, and Donnie had beat on me so many times and he sounded so…thrilled when he told me Daddy was going to skin me alive for using magick that I just got so…angry, and I…hurt him back. I picked him up with magic and slammed him into the ground so hard…and then I did it again, and again…I didn't really mean for there to be blood," Tara laughed, "at least that's what I told myself, "but I did and there was." "Dad had heard him screaming from the house and had come running. "When he showed up he had that…look, that look that said I had really disappointed him and that he was truly furious with me. I had broken Donnie's arm and Daddy was going to make me pay for it," Tara paused and Buffy rubbed her sholder blades encouragingly for her to continue. "It was in that moment that I saw all the damage I had done to Donnie, and that frightened me, that I could cause that much damage, that much blood. I must have been a demon."

"I vowed never to touch black magick after that, I was afraid the demon would come out before I was twenty if I kept it up. But I couldn't stand living there anymore either. So I waited till I graduated high school before running away, figuring the spell Mama caste on me before she died would keep Daddy and Donnie from finding me. It must have worn off right before my 20th birthday. Probably because Mama really did think we were demons and that I would need them by then…But um…that's what happened," Tara trailed off awkwardly, her voice hollow.

"Thank you for telling me," Buffy said.

"You don't…hate me now?" Tara asked in a small voice.

Buffy shook her head. "I'm awed by you." "I fight vampires and demons every day, but you faced demons you're whole life and you not only came out of it, but you managed to hang on to your truly, beautiful soul. Not many in your situation could say that." Tara blushed at the comment.

"Thank you for listening, I think I really needed to just…say it all in order to move on…you know?"

Buffy nodded. "I know."

Buffy pulled Tara into a tighter hug, and that stayed like that the rest of the night. Tara's body finally stopped shuddering enough for her to fall asleep, secured in Buffy's embrace, the Slayer staying vigilant over her charge the rest of the night.


	8. Chapter 7 Regrets and headaches

Rack looked up with mild interest when the door to his 'office' burst open and none other than his newest…client whirled into the room.

"Why Strawberry, whatever is the matter?" he asked.

Willow looked up at the other man, a fury of emotion glistening in her eyes. "I did what you said. Tara even triggered the trap knowing it was a trap but it…it…she…it didn't work," Willow paced the room, not looking at Rack who continued to watch her with bemusement. "She felt it, this power...and she resisted. I didn't even think that was possible." Willow stopped pacing and looked up at Rack, who was now looking at her with much more interest.

"Come here Strawberry," he ordered, walking to the middle of the room where Willow was pacing. Warily, Willow complied. She may have been addicted to the thrill Racks magic gave her, but she didn't trust him. In the back of her mind she knew she should have never even came to Rack, but at that point, she didn't have anything else _but_ his magic.

Willow flinched when Rack raised a hand and touched it to her face. "So jumpy Strawberry? I simply wish to see what happened tonight that has you so...upset. You are so distraught it seems faster to see what happened rather than work through that busy little mind of yours, hmm?" he coaxed, as he continued with his spell.

Willow nodded in understanding, not really permission. She didn't need to give Rack permission. He did whatever he wanted with her now, so long as he kept giving her that feeling…that elation that only his magic could give her, she could care less what he did with her the rest of the time at this point. Her last attempt to rejoin the rest of the world died when Tara spurned her that night.

Willow soon discovered that she did care as Rack was suddenly in her mind, delving through her memories like they were his. Willow gasped. It was wrong, she couldn't keep anything back from him. She had no defenses in the one place that was supposed to be hers and hers alone. Willow's body tensed in a futile attempt to will Rack out of her mind. She felt Rack's surprised elation when he dredged up the memory of the hospital. Rack then went further back in her mind, dozens of memories flashed through Willow's mind with only one focus: Tara. _Oh Goddess._ Horror washed over Willow. Whatever the reason, his interest in her ex could not be good. Willow squirmed in his grip but to no avail.

Without warning, Rack removed his hand and Willow struggled to remain standing as Rack's power left her body. "Thank you Strawberry," he said, as she dropped to her knees, breathing heavily. "You've brought me one of the best gifts I've ever received. Oh my little Strawberry how I've searched for the last, she's eluded me for years, and here you've brought her to my very doorstep. You're stunt tonight has even bypassed the protection spells surrounding her, how delightful."

"Wh-what?" Willow felt the horror in her completely paralyze her.

"You're connection with her my dear. It normally wouldn't be enough for me to gain a hold over her, but as our…sessions have been so many of late we've formed a connection of our own Strawberry." His horribly disfigured face grinned. "Oh Strawberry, what you've brought me. No more pathetic peddling…no, soon I won't have need for any of it…" Rack closed his eyes in triumph, his ugly twisted smile still plastered on his face.

_Oh goddess, oh goddess. Tara! I've got to warn her…_ Willow tried to move, but found it exceedingly difficult. She felt so drained…

"A gift like this deserves quite the reward, don't you think?" Rack asked and Willow briefly wondered if Rack had been able to read her thoughts. Perhaps he knew she wanted to warn Tara. The witch hated herself, however, as the strongest emotion that filtered through her at that moment was the anticipation of his 'reward'. "Well Strawberry?"

Willow inhaled slowly. It only took a split second for her to cave and she nodded, unable to voice her desire, the shame coursing through her so great. She needed to warn Tara but, the magic craving in her was so strong, she could think of little else when faced with its fulfillment.

Rack smiled again and then Willow knew nothing else but the sweet oblivion.

"Xander thanks for getting here so quick," Buffy said as she opened the door and pulled her friend into a brief hug as he made his way in.

"No problem, Buff. But what's up with the mysteriousness? You said you needed me to watch Tara? For what exactly?" Xander asked puzzled. "Oh! Does this have to do with the wacky weather?"

"Come in the kitchen, I'll explain," Buffy gestured for the kitchen. "Tara just fell asleep not too long ago, finally, and I don't wanna wake her up. And no, I don't think it has anything to do with the weather, but we probably do need to get research going on that on top of everything else."

"You don't think it's maybe just all that global warming stuff come true?" Xander asked with a waggle of his eyebrows as he sat down at the kitchen's center island.

"In Sunnydale? Hardly." Buffy walked around to the opposite side of the island. "We should probably meet up after my shift today to research. I have my suspicions though."

"Oh so is this the mystery info? Quit leaving me hanging and spill the info."

Buffy rolled her eyes at his persistence. "Really Xander, all I said was to come over, I need to you to watch Tara, I'll explain later. Nothing that cryptic."

"Buffy, Tara's a grown very responsible adult. I sincerely doubt she was out boozing it up and needs babysat while she gets over the hangover. There's gotta be something else going on."

Buffy sighed. "Unfortunately you're right. You are not too far off on the hangover bit though."

"I'm not?" Xander asked.

Buffy quickly explained all that had transpired the night before and watched Xander's face as she spoke as several emotions flickered across his face, first extremely shocked, then angry, then finally hurt.

"So I wound up spending the night trying to help her keep from shaking so bad that she injured herself. The withdrawals are pretty bad it seems."

"I can't believe Willow could be that far gone that she'd…and to Dawn…" Xander trailed off. "Wow."

"That's one word you could use".

"I just…It's Willow! This is just…not Willow."

"Tara explained that the stuff Willow shot her up with was like a sort of witchy heroin. She said Willow was probably seeing a 'dealer' of some sort," Buffy offered, her voice was flat. "I'm guessing that's what that Rack guy was that Amy mentioned…that night." The numbness she had managed to throw off all of the night before was returning, her earlier anger deflating. She just felt cold. She didn't want to think about the night Dawn almost died.

"See that's what doesn't make sense Buffy," Xander mused out loud, trying to understand. "I get…kind of…why Willow would go out and find a magic drug dealer guy, but what's in it for him? I mean if you're that powerful that you can shoot other witches up with your magic why do something like peddle it on the streets? It can't be for money."

"It could be," Buffy shrugged. "Tara said something about parasites or leeches, or something…leechy," she frowned. "Like in order be that powerful they needed to steal the power from others."

"Sounds like a dead end kind of job. How many witches out there are willing to get drugged up on the stuff they already have?"

"Uneducated ones," Buffy guessed. "Witches that maybe have the powers but don't have someone to teach them what the powers are for. They meet Back Ally Drug Man and he feigns being some kind of Dumbledore that'll show them how to use their witchy powers and then he has them."

"But then why would Willow do it?"

"No idea Xan," Buffy answered dismissively. "Frankly I'm done trying to rationalize what Willow's doing. She made her choices and she messed up. She'd just better keep to messing herself up rather than us," a little anger crept into her voice. "But right now I don't have time to find the answers, I gotta get to work."

Xander nodded unhappily. "I'll watch Tara Buffy, I'll see you when you get off work."

"Maybe we should meet up at the Magic Box when I get off. When Tara gets up ask her if she wants to come too, we could use the extra pair of eyes for the whole cold weather thing, plus right now I don't like the idea of her wandering Sunnydale alone. I wanna believe Willow took the hint last night and will give up, but…"

"Got it Buff," Xander interrupted with a frown. "Being a loner in Sunnydale is never a good idea, maybe I'll give Tara the lecture," he joked, then waved his hand when Buffy gave him an admonishing glare. "Relax We'll be fine, Buff, have fun," Xander waved his arms for Buffy to go. "You'll be late."

Buffy nodded and reluctantly left, her face an expressionless mask Xander had grown far too used to see of late as she gave him a quick goodbye on her way out the door. With the Slayer gone, Xander turned his eyes to the sleeping form huddled on the living room couch. He sighed. _Willow why did you have to mess up so bad this time?_

Xxx

Her head felt like it was splitting in two. Tara briefly wondered if this was what Zeus felt like when he birthed Athena. Probably not, but it sure felt like something was trying to rip itself out of her skull. The few other times she had been 'under the influence' so to speak had not had a burn out symptom like this one. But it hadn't happened all that often so it's not like she was an expert on it by any means.

Tara tried to focus her mind on something more tangible than the pain wracking through her skull. It was hard to concentrate on anything. Her mind felt incredibly…soupy. However it hurt to even try to open her eyes so she had little else to do but think. The cause of the cold weather that was something to think about. Tara knew of several spells that could cause weather changes but not any strong enough to support a whole town. There were demons that relied on cold weather to survive too. Tara strained her memory to recall each one but the witch could only dimly recall any such creatures, but she knew they existed. Her mind just couldn't quite remember… Tara abruptly stopped her train of thought as a flash a pain ripped through her mind. When the pain eased and Tara could think again she decided to table her research till she could make to the Magic Box…there was a book there that was relevant…a black one…or maybe brown? _Oh how irritating, I know which book it is…It's…_ Tara felt another stab of pain. _Ugh alright, maybe I should try thinking of something that isn't quite so straining. _Tara was still annoyed at herself for her uncharacteristic lack of memory, but it was too hard to concentrate at that moment. Carefully Tara considered something else to think on that wasn't related to the traumatizing events of the night before. _Right, something that won't reduce me to tears hmm…_

Buffy needs a better job. That's a safe topic to ponder Tara decided. Buffy worked so hard to save the world each and every day. She had sacrificed so much for a world that didn't even know her let along appreciate all she had given up for them. The Watcher's Council was a complete joke for not even offering a small stipend for their Slayers. Buffy was completely on her own and has done the best she could with what pieces of her life saving the world hadn't destroyed. Working at a fast food restaurant with a cow on her head was beneath Buffy's talents though. Surely there was something that Buffy could do that her experiences as a Slayer would coincide with.

_But what could she do?_ Buffy was a good fighter. _A police officer maybe?_ Tara considered that for a moment then decided Buffy had far too many experiences with the law that were far too fishy for her to make it in a career in law enforcement. _Professional wrestling?_ Tara almost laughed at the mental image, pleasant as it might have been to picture it probably wasn't the best career path for Buffy. Too much oil. _Hmm Buffy covered in oil. _

_Whoa Maclay! What the hell was that?_ She had to be suffering from some sort of mental exhaustion on top of the mind splitting headache. Tara didn't think of Buffy that way. Not that Buffy wasn't gorgeous and perfect, anyone could see that, but to fantasize about it was an entirely different thing. And Tara had just broken up with Willow in like what? A month ago tops? _Like you weren't oogling Buffy before the break-up_. A traitorous voice in her head pointed out. _Let's not go there._ _Time to get back on topic I think._ Tara took a moment to clear her mind of all thoughts of Buffy in more than friendly terms. She was supposed to be thinking of ways to help her. Right. Jobs.

Tara thought through a few more ideas, pleased that her head was no longer throbbing quite as intensely. In fact she might even be brave enough to open her eyes. She needed to get to the Magic Box to help research. _Oh! I've got it. I just need to talk to Anya first…_

Tara was startled out of her thoughts when a loud snort of breath was heard from somewhere nearby. _Was that snoring? _she wondered. It was too loud for the noise to have been Buffy. _Buffy has a cute snore. _That rebellious voice chimed in her head again. Buffy did though. Tara had heard her snore once when the Slayer had fallen asleep on the desk of the Magic Box during a particularly grueling research session.

Magic Box.

Right.

Things to do places to be.

Foreign male snoring sound in the room with her.

Hmm lets guess Xander. And hope it's not some snarling demon or something fun like that. Her head hurt too much for demons. She doubted very much however that it was a demon. Demons wouldn't wait till she woke up to start gnawing on her.

Ugh was she loopy when she was going through magic drug withdrawls.

_Okay Maclay. It's time to bite the bullet and open your eyes._

Upon opening her eyes Tara was quite pleased find Xander sleeping across from her rather than a snarling gnawing demon. He wasn't sleeping anymore but instead was staring off into space. Tara guessed that his presence meant that Buffy had business elsewhere that morning and didn't quite trust Tara to be left by alone at that time. Not that Tara blamed Buffy for that. Tara tried to ignore the sudden surge of shame and decided, instead, to focus on the troubled young man sitting across from her. Xander's face was drawn in tight, his concentration focused on something quite troubling she guessed. Tara didn't know Xander very well. She never had much time alone with the goofy but sweet man to really get the chance to know him. The witch had an instinctive desire to help others with their troubles so she really couldn't help but try.

"X-xander?" Tara winced both at the stutter and the hoarsness in her voice. Her throat felt very dry. Xander reacted immediately to the sound of her voice and his face shifted from an expression of upset to the more familiar goofy façade he always wore. "Hey Tare, how're you feeling?"

Tara smiled briefly. It hurt to smile. It hurt to blink really but conversations were better when you could look the other person in the eye, and smiling was always a great way to convincingly understate feeling like a train wreck. "Thirsty, my head is killing me, and maybe I'm a little traumatized but that's normal for S-sunnydale. You?" Tara was a little proud of herself for trying out humor. And judging by the short snort of laughter she got out of Xander it wasn't entirely an unsuccessful attempt.

"Here," Xander said as grabbed a waiting glass of water on the coffee table and offered it to the Wiccan, who took it gratefully. "While I'm not sure about the headaches and the thirsty part, I'd have to agree with you on the traumatized," he said in that nervous good humored tone he favored.

"Anything in particular traumatizing you this morning?" Tara offered rather boldly as she finished her water. "That is…if you w-want to talk," she added self consciously. After all, in reality, they both were basically total strangers, given how little they spent time together without the other Scoobies around, did she really even have the right to ask him about his personal problems? But maybe it would be helpful for Xander to talk to someone he didn't know very well.

Xander seemed to be on the same wave length. "Well I was originally thinking about…Willow," he spoke his best friend's name reluctantly and Tara tried not to react but she could see in his hesitation to contine she wasn't successful at it. "I know she's not your favorite person right now but I just can't wrap my mind around her going over the deep end, you know? It makes you really think."

Tara swallowed. She should have expected this. Why wouldn't Xander be preoccupied with Willow. Like he said they were best friends. Unfortunately this was one area Tara wasn't really able to be objective in at that moment. But she'd try. It was at least getting her mind off of her headache. "Think about what?" Tara asked when Xander didn't continue talking.

"Well Willow was always so…Willow, you know? I couldn't in a million years fathom that the girl who used to think eating her lunch before lunch period was being rebellious would do something like this. It makes you wonder what other things people are capable of that you wouldn't think they could do. It…kinda makes me wonder what things I could do in the future that I don't think I could now."

Maybe it was the headache but Tara just wasn't able to follow what he was saying. It was bordering on Willow babble. "What do you mean?"

Xander was quiet for a minute, collecting his thoughts on a better way to phrase it. "I know we've never really talked much Tara so feel free to tell me to shut up but…you're Dad wasn't the gentlest of fathers right?"

Tara felt an unexpected pain unrelated to her throbbing head at the abrupt change of subject. "Um… no…no he w-wasn't," she offered, unsure of what else to reply. Xander seemed reluctant to continue but he pushed forward.

"Do you sometimes maybe wonder if maybe you're more capable of turning out like him than you really want to think about?"

_Oh._ A light bulb lit up inside Tara's mind. "No," Tara said gently but with finality.

"Just no?"

"Just no," Tara said. "I know I won't be like my father because I know I won't let myself become like him," she said. "I know I don't want to be like him and I…I won't. You know?" Tara's headache was starting to make her feel nauseous. Maybe emotional advice wasn't the best idea at that moment. She did recall though that Xander had a less than gentle up bringing much like Tara's had been. So she hoped Xander understood what she was getting at.

Xander frowned. "But what if…what if you forget and you try to keep some…thing slide and then you get angry and it festers because you feel like if you don't let it fester you'll cause even bigger problems and twenty years down the line you look back and you're upset that you let it fester and then you start drinking and then you're watching football games and screaming for your wife to get you another beer instead of getting a job like a responsible adult and its only then that you realize what you should have done?"

"It won't happen," Tara shook her head finally seeing what was troubling Xander. "You won't hurt Anya. You won't make the same mistakes your parents made in their relationship simply because you can recognize what those mistakes were You'll be strong enough to work through your problems rather than letting them…fester and hurt your marriage to Anya." Ugh Tara was babbling now. She felt so frustrated with herself. She wasn't saying what she wanted to at all and judging by Xander's expression he was having trouble processing it all. "It kind of comes down to the idea that, you're always worried about it, so that idea in of itself means that you're n-not like him." Tara offered, one last attempt at making sense. "Besides…y-you'll have the rest of us around to keep you in check." She gave him a shy, smile, unsure if the humor would be appreciated.

After a few moments of awkward silence Xander smiled. "Thanks Tara. That really helped, and it kinda makes me wish we had hung out more you know?" Xander's whole body seemed to have relaxed and he had more of that goofy sweetheart look in his face.

Tara smiled in relief. "We still can," she offered. "Just m-maybe not today I think today I'm not the most exciting of friends at the moment."

Xander waved his hand dismissively. "Nah, there's nothing better than a day spent lounging about with a buddy, watching some TV, swapping traumatized youth stories, it's all good fun."

"Actually," Tara paused to swallow, her mouth was dry again. "Would you mind driving me to the Magic Box? I need run an idea passed Anya before Buffy gets back."

"Oh really? Care to share that information with your new buddy Xander?"

"Nope."

"Just nope?"

"Yep.

"That's really frustrating Tare. Not a great way to embark on our new more friendly friends than we were before. Or wait not that I mean _more than friends_ type friends. Just you know friends that didn't really know each other, now getting to know each other." Tara giggled and that caused Xander to pause his torrent of hole digging.

"I want to talk to Anya first in case she says no, I don't wanna get Buffy's hopes up, but if all goes well you'll know later tonight when I'm sure we're all meeting up for a Scooby meeting?"

Xander nodded either in defeat or in affirmation of their meeting that night, or both. "Ah, well in that case, you're carriage awaits Madam." Xander stood, offering his arm to the still reclined Wiccan. "Wait-are you sure you're up for the Magic Box, you look a little washed out?" Xander observed as Tara shakily rose from the couch, relying far too much on Xander's support to stay on her feet that she would have liked.

"I just need to work the kinks out," she said unconvincingly swooning in place, dizziness overpowering her.

Xander frowned in concern but decided simply to keep an eye on Tara rather than force her back down to the couch. Maybe she was right. If not Xander would insist Tara at least lay down on the couch in the training room once they got to the Magic Box. Tara could ask his fiancé her question from there.

His fiancé.

Xander smiled as he helped Tara slowly make her way to the front door. For the first time since he proposed he felt truly excited about his impending marriage. Tara may not have eased all of Xander's worries in their conversation that morning, but he definitely felt his cold feet about the wedding thaw just a bit. _Speaking of cold feet… _

A blast of cold air assaulted the pair as they slowly made their way to Xander's car. Maybe heading to the Magic Box early was a good idea. The growing cold weather was definitely something to worry about, if for nothing else than it was truly just annoying.

Xxxx

Tara read the large and rather dusty volume that lay out before her intently. They had been researching for hours. The only break Tara had taken was to discretely draw Anya into the training room to ask her question in regards to Buffy. Tara noticed the brief look of dismay in Xander's eyes when they had disappeared into the other room. Mostly due to a feeling of being left out she figured. That couldn't be helped however. Tara wanted it to be a surprise for the Slayer, and Xander wasn't known for his ability to keep things quiet, especially from Buffy or Willow.

Tara had been pleased that Anya agreed to Tara's idea and even had excitedly taking Tara up on a few of her suggestions and had begun working on 'marketing ideas'. The Wiccan could only just barely keep from laughing at the gleeful glint in the ex-demon's eyes. Tara didn't even mind that Anya had given up their hopefully search for a clue to the recent weather changes. They had nothing to go on really anyway.

All they knew was that it was really cold out, it was getting colder yet, and it was Sunnydale. Nothing terribly mystical stood out amongst those facts save that this was indeed Sunnydale. There were no coincidences. Which led Tara to believe that Willow's appearance at the hospital the night before was no coincidence either, much as she would have liked to. Willow was more than capable of causing a blizzard in Sunnydale, but the real question was why? It made no sense for Willow to simply change the weather on a whim. There was no gain to it. So Tara had to assume the weather changes were the side effect of a much bigger spell her ex-lover was cooking up.

That thought alone had led Tara to her present position of digging through yet another spell book hunting for anything with weather effects. Poor Xander had long ago fallen asleep at his seat across from Tara. Xander had never been much for research. Spells were more of Tara's department anyway. If only her head would stop throbbing. The after effects of Willow's spell the night before were still plaguing Tara. Not in a crazy she needed to do magic and she needed to do it now kind of way though. No, that Tara had pretty well under control. It was the headache that was driving her crazy. She never remembered having even a hint of a headache after her previous abuses of dark magick as a teenager.

The sound of the bell above the Magic Box's front door chiming broke Tara from her concentration or lack there of. Looking up, Tara was disappointed to find that it was simply another customer walking in. Anya eagerly greeted the customer and began rallying off the store's various sales that day. It was getting late, and Buffy's shift was about over. Tara was eagerly awaiting the Slayer's arrival so she could reveal her big surprise. Tara hoped Buffy liked it. It would be so nice to see Buffy smile again. She rarely did as of late and with good reason. But Tara missed it all the same. It really lit up the Slayer's face when she genuinely smiled. And her eyes…oh how Buffy's eyes just glowed when she was happy! They were beautiful, well _she_ was beautiful. _Whoa Maclay, stop there._ _Beautiful? Where exactly are you going with that one?_ Tara shook her head, obviously her headache was affecting her more than she realized. For one, her mind seemed incapable of sticking to one subject, for another, she thought Buffy was beautiful? Sure, Buffy was drop dead gorgeous. A person would have to be dead not to notice that, but to really _notice_ that she was beautiful was a different thing entirely. Tara was just loopy from the spell and the headache that was all. Maybe she just needed to meditate for a bit. She hadn't had the chance for meditation in a while. It would do her good to clear her mind a bit. _Now is a good a time as any in fact._

Standing up, Tara informed Anya that she was heading to the training room for a bit. Anya waved a hand in acknowledgment, still busy talking her customer into buying half the shop it seemed. Amused Tara made her way to the training room and settled herself on a comfortable spot on the big mat in the center of the room. Dismissing her amusement and everything else from her mind, Tara began her meditations. It was only after a few moments of beginning the ritual did Tara notice that something was wrong. Sharp pains ripped through her mind and down the rest of her body, but she couldn't halt them, she tried to pull out of the meditation; tried to end it, nothing worked. The wracking pain ripped through her and with a startled cry, she collapsed. Blessed darkness engulfing her senses.


	9. Chapter 9- Too Much Fun For One Night

**Hi everyone. I apologize deeply for those of you still out there that would like to see how my fanfic turns out. I've been working my way through grad school/ other boring real life stuff and let this drift away despite the fact that I have pretty much the rest of it outlined and figured out. I thank all/ any of you still out there who have left me feedback/suggestions/ comments. I really do appreciate them and take it all to heart and it really does help both motivate me to continue writing and to become a better writer in general. I had been chipping away at writing new parts to the story over my absence and was going to wait until I had completely finished the story before updating but it's been awhile and some of the great feedback I got in the past helped me rework a few things as I went a long so perhaps it will again!**

**Anyway thank you all again and I hope you enjoy the update and remember to leave feedback so that I know people out there still want this story finished! =)**

-Shimmera

Chapter 9

Buffy hugged her leather jacket closer to her body. It was getting colder. Buffy hated that. She also hated that her nice leather coat was in consequence of her recent shift at Double Meat smelled like French fries. She had hoped that the stench would have been strong enough to wake her sister when Buffy visited her before heading to the Magic Box. Dawn didn't so much as twitch her nose. Buffy sighed, picking up her pace. She wondered how Tara's day was faring. After the events of the night before there was little doubt in Buffy's mind that it would take a generous amount of time for the wiccan to recover emotionally and possibly physically from the ordeal.

Buffy paused in mid step, but quickly thought better of it and continued walking. Her slayer senses were kicking in. There was a vampire nearby. But her nose detected cigarette smoke and leather so it didn't take much to figure out which vampire it was. Buffy didn't acknowledge him however. She really wasn't in the mood. She also felt a slight bit of satisfaction that he probably knew that she was ignoring him.

"Slayer." Spike finally spoke impatient. He stepped out in the open to match Buffy's step stride for stride much to her annoyance. "We need to talk. And since Goldilocks isn't here to go all nut job on me you're going to have to face up to it now."

"Face up to what Spike?" Buffy asked not slowing her steps or even glancing at the vampire. "If you're talking about what happened before the accident, it's really not worth mentioning."

"We slept together Buffy." Spike said bluntly. Buffy winced at the words.

"Dawn is in a coma because we slept together Spike. Because I wasn't there, because I was too busy wallowing in self-pity to care."

"Buffy you were dead you're entitled-"

"No, I'm not." Buffy finally stopped walking, turned and faced Spike. "Maybe that's why I've been so numb since I came back. I'm not entitled to anything. I can't afford to be. I always have to be the strong one, the right one, the hard working one, with nothing offered back to me in return. Who the hell would want to return to that? After having been anywhere else for any length of time much less heaven. It hasn't been about the where I was so much as how I was. Free. And because I indulged in my own pity party, my ex-best friend is a magic crack addict and my sister is in a coma. So no Spike what happened between us that night did not mean anything nor will there be a repeat. Now will you please stop stalking me about it?"

"Slayer that's a load of bullocks and you know it. It was more than that. It meant something. It-"

"No, Spike it didn't. I'm sorry if it meant something to you, but I'm done talking about it, and if you really cared about me like you claim you do, you'll drop it and allow me to attempt to collect my shambles of a life back in my own way. Alright?" Buffy turned and continued walking, expecting another outburst, when one didn't come Buffy hesitated, not enough to stop walking, but she couldn't help a glance back. Spike stood still where Buffy had left him, a perplexed look on his face, then just as quick as she had intended her glance to be, Spike recovered, and continued on beside Buffy.

"Alright then," he said. "I can accept you're in a bit of a rough spot Slayer, and I'll give you your space. I'm patient." Buffy rolled her eyes mentally. It wasn't what she wanted to hear from Spike, but it was good enough for now.

"We have bigger problems at the moment Spike."

"Right, the weather, you living types don't like the cold much, do you?"

"Not so much. Neither does southern California if you hadn't noticed."

"Well it could be-"

"Don't say global warming."

"I was going to say a Kaltis demon."

"A what?"

"You'd probably know it as a yeti." Spike rolled his eyes. "People today and their mythical creature nonsense."

"Yes because vampires and werewolves are so ridiculous, where do we come up with such crazy ideas?"

"You got me." Spike grunted.

Buffy snorted, smiling somewhat reluctantly. "Come on, I'm sure Tara will be able to figure out which one of these books have a yeti demon in them."

"Kaltis demon," Spike corrected. "And I didn't say that was the cause of it all."

"No but it's the first lead we've had." Buffy said as they finally made it up to the front doors of the Magic Box. Buffy was anxious to see how Tara was doing, however as Buffy entered the Magic Box and discovered the unconscious Wiccan and the panicked duo hovering over Tara, Buffy assumed that she was not in fact, faring well.

Xxxxxx

"Okay so, explain it again? She said she was going to the training room for a bit and then she screamed and passed out." Buffy paced back and forth behind the training room couch. Her eyes flitting anxiously to the still form laying on the couch.

"That's all we know Buff. She went in, a couple minutes later we hear her yell and we run in, she's passed out on the floor and we didn't see any sign of anyone else in the room so we don't know what to think." Xander told her from the opposite side of the couch. Spike and Anya stood awkwardly watching the Slayer as she seemed about ready to blow up at any second.

"Why? How-"

"Umm..Slayer?" Spike interrupts.

Buffy stops her pacing and opens her mouth to blast the vampire for interrupting but stops mid breath. Spike simply pointed down towards the couch. Buffy flicked her eyes down to see that Tara was…glowing.

"Was she…doing that before?" Spike asked.

Xander and Anya shook their heads in reply as all four of them closed in to look down at Tara. Tara still appeared to be sleeping peacefully, but a golden hued glow illuminated her entire body. Buffy had no evidence to support it, but she felt there was no threat from the glowy…stuff. Whatever it was, Buffy actually found herself calmed by it. She was still insanely curious about what was going on with her friend, but she no longer felt panicked.

A startled gasp made all four the watching scoobies jump back in startlement. Tara had shot straight up, her eyes now open and panicked. She darted them around the peering faces frantically until she must have regained her wits and she relaxed, then she frowned. "That really…"

"Sucked?" Anya offered helpfully.

Tara nodded. "Yeah I think that pretty much sums it up."

"What happened?" Buffy rushed around the back of the couch to sit next to Tara. "Are you alright?"  
"I'm um..not exactly sure...to either question." Tara bowed her head down, rubbing her temples. Buffy put a gentle arm around Tara's shoulders in mute comfort. Tara immediately sagged against the Slayer, drained from whatever had just happened.

"Do you want to go to the hospital?" Xander asked from his spot next to Anya.

"Yeah maybe that's not a bad idea." Buffy agreed.

"N-no," Tara disagreed weakly. "I don't kn-know what's going on, but it's definitely m-magic related. The hospital would be a waste of time."

"It doesn't mean they can't help," Buffy pushed. "Magic does cause physical damage right? They might be able to do something."

Tara shook her head firmly but weakly against Buffy's shoulder. "I'd really rather not. I'm fine Buffy. I'd rather just rest a bit then maybe try and figure out what caused it to happen in the first place." Buffy was about to launch a counter argument, not yet ready to give up on the hospital idea when the door to the training room pushed open.

"I know what caused it," Willow said meekly as she walked into the room. Two things happened in quick succession. Buffy leapt to her feet, causing Tara, who had still been resting against the Slayer quite comfortably, to fall over. Quickly recovering Tara also leapt to her feet sidestepping around Buffy's protective stance, arms held out as magic crackled in warning from her outstretched fingers. Willow eye's widened. "No don't cast anything!" Willow took a hasty step towards the duo, only to find herself flung backwards as Tara collapsed back onto the couch, the strange glowing light returning engulfing her body once more.

"Alright what the bloody hell is going on?" Spike questioned eyes flitting back in forth from Willow to Tara like the rest of the Scoobies, brows knit in confusion.

"Tara?" Buffy reached for the witch, who though still conscious, had not moved since her collapse after her perhaps all too hasty reaction to Willow's sudden movement.

"Don't," Tara said softly, her head not lifting from its boneless position against the back of the couch. Buffy did as she was asked but she still instinctually believed the glowing light to be a good sign, not bad. Which was why Buffy swallowed hard when the golden glow flickered faintly before disappearing entirely. Tara let out a tired sigh and a faint whimper that Buffy was certain only she and possibly Spike could pick up on. "I'mkay," Tara's slurred words did nothing to reassure the frustrated Slayer.

Whirling around Buffy faced Willow, who was slowly standing back up, wisely trying to not make any sudden movements. "What are you doing to her?" she demanded roughly, her frustration and anger seeping into her tone.

Willow flinched under the intensity of Buffy's glare. "I…I came to warn Tara not to caste magic until we figure a way to break the link." Buffy relaxed slightly, enough to allow Willow to relax and continue her explaination but not enough to indicate she wouldn't be ready to spring into action if Willow so much as floated a pencil.

"Linked to who?" Xander questioned.

Willow visibly flinched at the question. "A powerful warlock. I met him recently and-"

"This the guy you took Dawn to see and have been getting magic heroin from?" Buffy interrupted icily. Willow looked down but nodded.

"Buffy l-let her finish," Tara admonished the slayer. Willow brightened somewhat at Tara's defense of her, but the blank, neutral look the blonde witch offered her, that held none of the previous existing love or even affection, squashed any bit of hope of there being anything more behind the defense. Tara for her part was confused at the amount of protective anger Buffy was displaying on Tara's behalf. Not that she expected the slayer to not be protective, she was just going a bit overboard with it.

"Well you see he's the one that gave me the idea for…last night and after that…happened I went back to him and he grabbed a hold of me and did something…I…it was like he was in my mind, accessing parts of my mind…and I couldn't stop him, I tried but I…couldn't," Willow paused her speech looking at Tara with perhaps a dawning of understanding at the gravity of her own attempts at mind manipulation. Willow shook her head. "Anyway. He wanted to see what had happened at the hospital and once he saw Tara he just…he was elated. It was strange, I could feel how excited he was like he had finally found a lost treasure or something. But he then went through all my memories of Tara and I…" Tears were welling in Willow's eyes but she did not attempt to suppress them. "I tried to stop him, Tara I did, but he went through all my memories of you then stopped, finding something he must have liked then he told me he found her at last and that he'd be able to stop magic peddling finally and that…" Willow swallowed and sniffled a little before looking up and straight into Tara's eyes before continuing, her voice laden with deep regret. "He said his since I had been to see him so much he had a connection to me through magic and since I cast that same spell on you…last night, plus the magic connection we still have…he could extend down to my connection through you and that gave him the access he needed."

Buffy fought hard the urge to pound Willow to a pulp. Instead she looked over at Tara to gauge her reaction and the slayer's eyes widened as she took in Tara's own eyes which were once more pitch black. However unlike last night, Tara was balling up her fists with the effort not to caste.

"Because of the dark magic," Tara said slowly and carefully. "Because you once again went barging ahead casting away without knowing all the facts of what you were doing, completely disregarding every sacred law of nature because you couldn't be bothered with doing so, I now have-" Tara paused, looked down and took a very deep breathe, visibly shaking with anger.

Willow flinched with every word her ex-girlfriend spoke. "Tara I'm…I'm sorry."

"Willow I think you'd better leave," Buffy said with less anger, but more steel.

"But I…I don't have anywhere to go," Willow squeaked out, too ashamed to voice the obvious request.

"You can sleep on our couch," Xander offered.

"Oh yes," Anya said with obvious sarcasm. "Let's let the junkie sleep on our couch. Perhaps she could call her junkie friends over and throw a rave party in our living room."

"Anya!" Xander scolded. "Look," Xander directed his comment to everyone now, not just his fiancé, "I'd say it's safe to assume we're going to need Willow's help in figuring more about what we're going to do about this wacko who's after Tara so it's in all your best interests to keep her safe, plus no matter what else Willow is still my best friend and I'm not gunna kick her out in the cold."

"Oh yes, the cold. We still need to deal with that too." Anya said rather than argue with Xander, even she knew there was little use in doing so when it came to him and Willow.

Buffy wanted to hit something. Or someone, but she suspected she would actually regret hitting Willow and instead took several deep breaths before throwing her two cents into the conversation. "I think we all are a little tired, and Tara obviously needs some rest, so long as she doesn't cast she's safe for now, right Willow?" Buffy asked the question with a neutral tone, it was as close as an olive branch as she was going to get that night. When Willow answered in the affirmative she continued on. "Right then Willow will stay at Xander's tonight, I'll watch after Tara and we'll meet back here tomorrow afternoon after my shift at Double Meat, to start researching for real this time, alright?"  
"Wait you're going to keep that job too. This had better not affect our buisness relationship." Anya told Buffy who looked at the ex-demon in complete confusion.

"Wha-?"

"S'prise," Tara spoke softly but with as much enthusiasm as her weary body was able.

"What surprise?" Buffy asked. When Tara didn't immediately answer either because she was thinking of how to phrase her answer or because she simply didn't have the energy, Anya offered her own explanation excitedly.

"Tara convinced me that it would bring more money to the Magic Shop if I let you to teach self-defense classes in the training room, so long as I get 60% of the merchandising rights off of the training t-shirts and I'll make tons of money selling overpriced cheap bottled water and tasteless energy bars, and you won't have to wear that stupid hat and smell the place up like something dead and fried. Of course if you're not quitting your other job then I suppose that part is not true." Anya's brows knit together in distaste at the thought.

"Okay, where, what, who now?" Buffy looked completely confused.

Tara lifted her head and regarded the Slayer with a tired and somewhat nervous smile. "I just thought you could put the s-skills you have to good use and teach others the basics. You'd make money, and they might learn a way to get out of a vamps way and run, rather than…what usually happens. It seemed like a g-good idea anyway."

Buffy didn't say anything for a few moments as she mulled the idea over. It was only when she noticed that Tara began to look distressed as if she was afraid Buffy would get upset at the blonde witch for trying to help out, that Buffy decided to reply. "I think that's a really great idea Tara I….thank you." It wasn't the greatest of thank you's, and Buffy wasn't completely sold on the idea, but Tara looked so much happier now that her idea was well received the Slayer felt she'd probably go through with the whole thing just to keep Tara smiling.

The gang broke up and went home shortly after that. Willow with Xander and Anya as they had discussed, and Spike slunk off to where Buffy did not know nor care. After a promise to take Tara back to her apartment for some of her stuff, Buffy convinced her to stay at the Summer's residence for the time being. Buffy felt it would be safer for Tara given the circumstances.

By the time they arrived home Tara was leaning heavily on the Slayer and still looked extremely pale. Impatient at how slow they were moving Buffy scooped Tara up who gave only a mild protest, half asleep where she was standing anyway. After Buffy had successfully gotten Tara tucked in to her bed, Dawn's bed being too small and the master bedroom being off limits for obvious reasons, it was the best choice. Tara had fallen asleep in Buffy's arms on the way up the stairs so she had no knowledge much less an opinion in the matter. Feeling uncomfortable leaving Tara unguarded with the new knowledge someone was after her, Buffy sat down in the comfy sofa chair she kept tucked in the corner of her room and fell into a restless sleep.


End file.
